Taglines and Comebacks For All Occasions
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Sunday, January 15, 2012 at 3:28 pm
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" " - Marcel Marceau.
"Holy smoke!" The monk said, watching the church burn.
"I'm a lawyer." "Honest?" "No, the usual kind."
"If it works, it's obsolete" - so THAT's why Amiga software is like that!
"Work" is a four letter word!
#:-) <:======= - Snake stalking person.
----Police Tagline----DO NOT CROSS----Police Tagline-----
... and it's 'WORF', not 'Woof'!
10% of fools think they are not as foolish as others.
100 years of tradition, unimpeded by progress.
54% of all statistics are made up. No, make that 82%.
62% of those polled think polls shouldn't be taken.
A bird in the hand's better than one overhead.
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer!
A confident manner is important. Computers can sense this!
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
A good angle to approach a problem with is the try-angle.
A hundred thousand lemmings can't all be wrong.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and .
A long dispute means both parties are wrong.
A thief believes that everybody steals.
Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention.
Advisor: The guy who told you how to screw up.
Against pregnancy Catholics may use mathematics, not physics or chemistry.
All generalizations are false.
All I want is a Hot Woman, Cold Beer and Unlimited Power!
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Alzheimer's Club: Meet the same new friend every day.
An apology is a good way to have the last word.
An optimist is a guy without much experience.
And on the seventh day He took an aspirin.
And so God said, 'E=mv+2P/r' and there was popcorn!
And then God said, "There will be a short intermission."
Another tiny droplet of misinformation in the raging torrent.
Apes evolved from Creationists.
Archaeologist: One whose career lies in ruins.
As I said last week, I'll be done tomorrow.
As King Arthur said: Some days it all seems so feudal.
As scarce as truth is, the supply exceeds the demand.
Aural sex produces eargasms!
Avoid Mailmen -- they are carriers
Bacteria: Rear entrance to a cafeteria.
Bad judgement + experience + luck = good judgement.
Bad spellers of the galaxy, UNTIE!
Bagpipes: a flute built to government specifications.
Beam me up Scotty, it ate my phaser.
Bears shit in the woods. No problem. There aren't TOO MANY bears
Beep! Invalid Input. I only take only cash!
Better coward for a minute than dead forever.
Blessed be the pessimist for he hath made backups.
Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
Canadian: An unarmed American with Medicare.
Capital Punishment means never having to say "you again?"
CAUTION: DANGEROUS AND OFF OF MEDICATION
Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
Chaste makes waste.
Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you.
Clones are people two.
Columbus actually had a fourth ship - it sailed over the edge.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Computer Science: Solving today's problems tomorrow.
Curb: Stationary whitewall remover.
Dain bramaged.
Destroy the Borg? Let's give them Windows.
Diversity is the mother of continued employment.
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality.
Do not muddy the water around us, we may have to drink it soon.
Do you have Freudian panties to match that slip ?
Does it worry you that a doctor "practises" medicine?
Doing my part to preserve order in the universe!
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
Don't torture yourself - that's my job.
Education can not be substituted for intelligence.
Encyclopedia for sale: Not needed. Wife knows everything.
Endocannibalism: The result of a really hungry cannibal.
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution ...
Entropy isn't what it used to be!
Equality is earned with sweat not tears.
Error #1511: Brain Offline.
Eschew obfuscation!
Even crime wouldn't pay, if the government ran it!
Everybody makes mistakes, even I did once.
Experience comes from bad judgment. - Mark Twain.
Few great men could get past the Personnel Department.
Fighting for peace is like screaming for quiet.
Football players have odd shaped balls.
For Customer Support, Dial 1-800-HAHAHAHA.
Ford: Found On the Road Dead.
Ford: Fix Or Repair Daily.
Frisbeeterian: When you die, your soul goes on the roof.
Funny how a birthday with a zero in it makes you think.
Get the facts first - you can distort them later.
Give a small boy a hammer and everything needs pounding.
God - Please SAVE me from all of your followers!
God? Well, first of all, she's black.
Government lotteries: tax breaks for intelligence.
He is a third cousin, eight times removed, but he keeps growing back.
He walks down Lover's Lane holding his own hand.
He who despairs of the human lot is a coward, but he who has hope for it is a fool. - Camus
He who hesitates is sometimes saved - James Thurber
He's just a forty watt bulb in a hundred watt world.
Head for high ground; the dam's burst at the loony bin. - Al Capp
Hi, I'm from the government. I'm here to help you.
History repeats itself because nobody listens.
Human population doubles every 20 years. Still got room to sit?
I am Politically Incorrect!
I am trying to find something to do with the time I saved.
I am. Therefore, I think. I think.
I appeal to a small group of very confused people.
I can't seem to find time to procrastinate!
I crave immortality not through my work, but by not dying.
I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
I don't need future shock, present shock is enough!
I doubt. Therefore, I might be.
I drive way too fast to worry what foods will kill me!
I got lost on the superhighway, and wound up here!
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence.
I like young girls. Their stories are shorter.
I plan on living forever -- so far so good.
I poured beer on my lawn and it came up half cut!
I see the light at the end of ... oh shit, it's a train !
I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walked.
I would really like the chance to prove money can't buy happiness.
I'd like to be immortal, but I can't even use up Sunday afternoon.
I'd like to help you out -- how did you get in?
I'd make a mental note, but I've nothing to write on.
I'll have the turtle soup - and make it snappy!
I'm as confused as a baby at a topless bar.
I'm bored. I'm armed. And I'm off my medication.
I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I'm living proof that God has a sense of humour.
I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished.
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins.
I'm studying to be a drunk driving instructor.
I've finally learned to alphabetize my M & M's.
IBM: Itty-Bitty Machine Co.
IBM: Ignored By Many
If a couple from Arkansas gets divorced in Texas, are they still cousins?
If at first you don't succeed, cry.
If at first you succeed, hide your astonishment.
If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
If I throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
If it screams, it's best not to eat it.
If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.
If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
If the enemy is in range, so are you.
If there were no golf balls, how would we measure hail?
If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite.
If you can't say something nice, say something else.
If you don't make waves, you're not underway yet.
If you live long enough, it WILL kill you.
If you love someone, cover them in whipped cream and ...
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
Ignore your health and it will go away.
Illegal aliens are an American problem. Ask any Indian.
Illegitimati non carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down)!
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
Immoral Majority Charter Member.
Indecision is the key to flexibility!
Instant Gratification takes too long.
Intel inside, idiot outside? :-)
Irony: God gave the tortoise a drag factor of .03!
Is that an XT or are you running Windows?
It doesn't work, but it looks pretty.
It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
It was all so different before everything changed.
It works. Now if only we can keep it from exploding!
It's amazing how mature wisdom resembles being tired.
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
It's as simple as the difference between and and/or or.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
It's slicker than deer guts on a doorknob.
Its hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember a thing.
Jack and Jill? Pail of Water? .... Riiiiight!
Jesus Saves, Vishnu invests.
Just squeeze the juice from two quarts of Scotch!
Just think, in a million years Barney will be motor oil.
Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them later.
Know anyone who bobsleds, luges or biathalons OUTSIDE the Olympics?
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
Lawyers are the reason that we need lawyers.
Let an electrician remove your shorts!
Let he who is stoned cast the first sin.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
Lord, prove winning the lottery won't spoil me!
Make altruism work for you!
Make sex non-gender specific.
Make the most of the best and the least of the worst.
McBorg: Over 50 Billion assimilated!
Money does bring happiness. Send some and watch me smile!
More money than brains? Me?? But I'm broke!!! ........ OH!
MS-DOS: Microsoft Seeks Dominion Over Society.
My last original thought died of loneliness.
N.D.P.: Next Dead Party.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Never let anything mechanical know you're in a hurry!
Never, never, never juggle skunks!
New breathalyzer test -- after you blow up the balloon, you have to make a giraffe out of it.
No bathroom? Just go boldly where no one has gone before.
No offence intended to those that offence not intended to.
No raindrop considers itself responsible for the flood.
No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.
Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.
Of all the people I've met, you're certainly one of 'em.
Oh I saw the stop-sign, Officer. It's YOU I didn't see!
Okay, I pulled the pin. Now what? Wait! Where are you guys going??
Only the truly medicocre are always at their best.
Over the hill? What hill? I didn't see a hill!
Patience will come to he who waits for it.
Played poker with Tarot cards. Got a flush. Five people died.
Please hold, a service representative will annoy you shortly.
Pretend to spank me. I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Prism: a place for light waves that commit refractions
Problems? No, I LIKE my foot there.
Prophecy is difficult -- especially about the future. - Yogi Berra
Quantum physics is Gods way of taking both paths in the woods.
Rebel without a clue!
Remember - we're after results, not consequences.
Remember! Pillage first -- THEN burn.
Running out of control like cheap pantyhose.
Save the whales! Nuke Greenpeace!
Screws' Law: Installing case screws causes unit failure.
Send a self-abused stomped antelope to ...
Sexy - use a feather: Kinky - use the whole chicken.
Shakespeare's Uncertainty Principle: To be or not to be?
She used to kiss me on the lips, but now it's all over.
Shopping Tip: Shoes are only 85 cents at the bowling alley.
Should I kill myself, or go bowling? Hmmm ...
Sliding down the razor blades of life!
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue!
Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Snakes don't have tails -- snakes ARE tails.
So many jerks, so few bullets!
Socrates went around giving people advice. They killed him.
Some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps.
Stick your head in the sand and you get shot in the ass.
System halted - Press any key to do nothing.
Take your pick - save the children or save your planet
Thanks for smoking, you're paying my taxes!
The difference between help and meddling is the receivers opinion.
The future is like the present, only longer.
The majority isn't silent -- the government is deaf!
The more you learn, the luckier you get.
The new biker religion: Harley Krishnas!
The older I get, the better I used to be.
The race isn't always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
The square root of 69 is 8 something!
The word "Ignorant" is used too often to describe Stupid people.
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
There has been a change in plan - the meek shall inherit the moon.
There is an exception to every rule, except this one.
There is no dark side of the moon. Really.
Think! While it's still legal!!
To a dog, the solution to a problem is usually to pee on the cat!
To err is human, to forgive $5.00.
To err is human, to really foul things up takes a computer.
To heck with it -- get me a chisel and some stone tablets!
TO HELL WITH THE EVIDENCE -- it's politically correct.
Today I am feeling ept, ane and sipid.
TV Truth #5: Drinking beer attracts beautiful females.
Very funny, Scotty. Now, BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!!
Vodka and Milk of Magnesia = Phillips Screwdriver
Want to look young and thin? Hang around old, fat people.
Warranty voided upon payment of invoice.
We all live in a yellow subroutine
Welcome to Hell -- here's your accordion.
Whadya mean this isn't Dial-a-Prayer I've got an emergency here!
What Superhighway? That's a Digital Dirt Road!
What this country needs is a good vegetarian mosquito.
What's another word for thesaurus?
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
When an old person dies a library burns.
When He said 'Be fruitful and multiply', there were only two of us!
When I was your age we ate wood and rocks ...
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
When the only tool you have is a hammer, everything tends to look like a nail.
Where quality is just a word we like to use.
WHO CARES where Carmen Sandiego is?
Who is the Vice President of The Hair Club for Men?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why is it so hot here? What am I doing in this handbasket?
Windows NT - Road kill on the Information Superhighway!
Windows: An answer to a question nobody has ever asked.
Wouldn't a self-addressed envelope be addressed to "envelope"?
Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []
Yes, God has a sense of humor! I'm here, ain't I?
You can get just as drunk on water as you can on land!
You can't be fashionable AND ahead of the crowd.
You'd be paranoid too if the whole world was against you!
Your Karma just ran over my Dogma.
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